Friday, December 18, 2009

Marriage ruined by Gibbons

Lucy Marshall today revealed how her marriage to Peter had been ruined by the latter's 'gibbon obsession'. In an exclusive interview, she revealed how Peter's passion for these lesser apes took over their marriage. She claimed that, 'there were three people in our marriage: me, Peter, and the gibbons.'

At the start of their marriage they were caught up in a whirlwind of love and romance. However, the simmering passion cooled after a year or so and they returned to satisfied, yet ordinary lives. Until Peter visited Indonesia.

'He came back from that business trip speaking only of gibbons,' said a distraught Lucy, 'at first I humoured him. I even bought him the record 'The Funky Gibbon' and I improvised a dance routine, just for him, based on the mating ritual of the Chinese gibbon. Sadly, it was not enough. Every day it was 'gibbon this, gibbon that.' He became overly critical of me, asking me why I never gracefully swang through trees, and criticising my lack of ball-socket wrists. I clearly could not live up to his standards, and cracks began to appear in our marriage.'

The real breaking point came, according to Lucy, when their holidays were arranged to coincide with a number of zoos and conservation research centres that housed gibbons. Lucy explained, 'I started to become very suspicious of his desire to be close to gibbons. It slowly dawned on me that we would only go out together if there was some ulterior gibbon motive. I started to think the unthinkable- that he loved gibbons more than he loved me. The point of no return came when I found the key to the padlock that kept his shed secure. I looked inside, and after only 45 minutes of snooping, found a false tool wall that, if moved in a certain way, contained a wall of gibbon pornography. I felt a range of emotions: disgust, betrayal and anger. I confronted him, and he confessed all. He told me that when he was in Indonesia, his voracious sexual appetite was sated only by the treetop romance of the gibbon. That was it, I could be with him no more.'

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